Eulogy for Frankie

One of my neighbors got killed the other night. I’ll not use his real name, as what I have to say is not entirely “nice.”

The young man was out roaming around at 3:30 AM. He was driving a “borrowed” truck. He was driving at an excessively high speed. Other neighbors observed him to have been drinking beer earlier – although his family says that he wasn’t. He was about 16 years old.

I personally observed this boy all of his life. My own history with him hadn’t been all that pleasant. I believe he graffiti’d my vehicle a few years back – he was arrested in the neighborhood that same night for the same offense (to someone else's property). I simply polished the spray paint off the side of my vehicle and went on with life. I’m not entirely happy about that, but that is what I did.

An older half-brother grabbed an officer’s pistol one night across the street and tried to shoot him with it, right in front of our homes. He was sent away for a long time and I have not ever seen him since. I remember passing him, walking on our street and noted the obvious anger and hatred that showed in his face and his eyes when he looked at me.

This begs the question, how do the boy-children of a couple of fairly decent people get to the point where they crash pickups in the middle of the night at high speed, or try to shoot police officers with their own guns? This family has in some other significant ways been good neighbors for many years.

This boy (along with other children in that family) was NEVER held accountable for anything he ever did. He was allowed to do whatever he wished from the time he was off the floor and running. Among other things, this young man rode motorized “toys” including ATVs and scooters around the neighborhood streets, with other children clinging on for dear life, from a very young age. He was a nuisance in this neighborhood, outside at all hours of the night and not quietly either – neighbors called the police on several occasions to complain about the loud music and voices emanating from that yard. He was regularly truant from school and quit altogether months and months ago. He illegally drove vehicles, with the knowledge and acquiescence of his parents, in the local area at least for several years – I think since he was about 12. I know his Mother was told by others (relatives of mine) that this could result in lawsuits and even the loss of her home if he got into “trouble” doing it. Not two weeks before his fatal crash, he had an altercation with another motorist at the end of our street (and that vehicle subsequently disappeared from the yard, reportedly because it was totaled).

Even yard work has been a problem – they “clean” their paved yard by using a power-blower and most often the dust they blow out of their yard is directed right across the street at our home. The boy (I’ll call him “Frankie”) never considered the fact that his dust might be a problem for us. Not to mention the noise. As I mentioned above, lately he reportedly has been drinking large quantities of beer, openly provided to him and his friends by other residents of the home. When the police showed up to investigate any of these disturbances, I have personally heard both parents lie to the officers, denying any wrong-doing.

Was “Frankie” a “bad” kid? I think so less and less. He was often friendly, if a bit suspicious and stand-offish. I think with some guidance and upbringing he might easily have been a successful adult. But now he is gone. The only surprise for me is that he did not take several other innocent people with him. That’s what I always expected – that he would kill others through his unrestricted negligence and reckless behaviors. I never considered that it would be him that would die. He did take one friend with him, but that was all (small consolation for that boy’s parents.)

Children do not raise themselves. If you want a successful outcome, you have to put some effort into the process. I don’t pretend to be an expert at child-rearing. I’m not sure I was very good at it at all. But I do know this – that boy never had the guidance of a father – I never once saw the father do anything with any of his children. I never saw him discipline any child – I never saw him even play with a child. All he does is make them. And the mother? I do not know. I know that she has a good heart. But I also know that she was rarely (if ever) present when this kid was outside at all hours of the night, making noise and disturbing her neighbors.

Just my opinion, but that is not a demonstration of real love. Parenting is a job and a responsibility. Parents need to think about what kids really need and then fulfill their responsibilities (as best they can). Parents need to be present and involved. These parents were always present, but never involved that any of us could see. Even when we are involved with our children and do everything "right," the best outcomes are not always guaranteed. But tragedy of some kind is unfortunately almost assured if you leave children to themselves completely. And that is what happened last week.

So now they are all full of grief. The cars and trucks have been arriving and departing in a steady procession day and night since that “tragic” night. Everyone is shocked and in disbelief. But where were they (the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the brothers, the sisters and the sobbing friends) when they might have had some positive impact on this boy in life? In the minds of many, I see that “Frankie” is dangerously close to being anointed for sainthood; to me, this smacks of denial.  And it is too little, too late.

After death, none of it really matters, all of this concern and grief. The thing I mourn in this is that he deserved better from his own – would things perhaps have been different if he had been shown by example (and some kind of discipline) that good people must be responsible, concerned in real ways for the welfare of the others around them, that self-restraint is a virtue and that these things can sometimes be the difference between life or an early death?

Recklessness is not a healthy way to live. I mourn the lost potential for good that he could have done in his life. I saw sparks of good in this boy, in my few personal dealings with him recently. I am sorry that his friends and family are grieving; I do have feeling and sympathy for them. But they created the increased chances for the tragedy that did, in fact, lead to his death and that of another in the mangled remains of a pick-up truck that was literally destroyed in a high speed crash, less than a half mile from our homes.  He was only 16.